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You can't sleep and you don't know why.

You lay in bed, your eyes half-closed. Your body is relaxed but your mind is racing. There's a fear you don't understand, a feeling of being hunted, of skittering around corners and tearing through the world trying to get away.

Because something is after you.

Something wants you.

You can't explain it and it's making your chest get tight, your heart pounding hard with anxiety. Your body isn't relaxed anymore, it's frightened. It wants to run because running might mean you're safe, running might just mean you survive.

But it's nothing, right? It's just your mind.

Maybe. You can't be sure, you can't know because looking around is too frightening and trying to ignore it is absolutely impossible.

So you lay there, half scared out of your mind and praying nothing finds you.

And when you do fall asleep, when you can't keep your eyes open anymore, no matter how scared you are, you dream of running, you dream of dark forests and what it's like to be prey.
01 May 2012 @ 12:59 am
I wrote 15,021 words last month! It's not amazing by any standard but hell, it's better than not writing at all, right?

Also, for anyone who might be wondering, I am functioning better than I was earlier. Not great by any standard but I can think and I'm not near/in tears anymore, so that's definitely a plus.
30 April 2012 @ 05:43 pm
[personal profile] ilyena_sylph is doing a fundraiser to get [personal profile] killing_rose the fuck away from her abusive living situation. She needs to raise a lot of money, since [personal profile] killing_rose is moving from Alaska to the lower 48, but if you could even donate $5, it'd help a lot. If you can't donate, please, please signal boost.

Fund-raising post here.

Thanks so much.

If you want to copy this post to use as your own signal boost post, copy/past this into your html post creator: NOTE: this code should work on dreamwidth AND livejournal AND any other kind of blogging site that allows html. It's all the same code, you don't have to change anything.

If you want to copy/paste the code for yourself, go here
We all feel it, that sinking feeling that we're alone, that no one understands us, that we are the only person who can understand what we're going though.

But there are so many other beings in the world that feel something, if not the same, than similar.

I was thinking this could be a post where, if you're willing, you talk about those feelings, and other people chime in, letting you know that no, you're not alone.

Obviously, you don't have to join in if you don't want to but please, if you see something that resonates with you, say something.

Anyway, I'm going to wander off now and leave this here. I hope it helps and, if it turns out that this is something useful like the confessions post, I will think about putting it up on a regular basis.

As always, I have anon on and IP logging off so feel free to take advantage of that if you'd like.
Day of the week - Story: Summary of the story

Monday - Bargains: A retelling of Tam Lin with a polyamorous triad, more adventures in Faerie, a tragic ending and first person interludes around a third person story.

Tuesday - City/Roadtrip: Angels who are supposed to become heroes and don't really want to be, genderqueer zombies, magic dealers, fae, strippers, locations coming to life, a city of ghosts beneath the city of the living, vampires who bake for a living, Death running a bar and having a kitten, werewolves who are more like werehumans and roadtrips across the country to free trapped saints.

Wednesday - Radio: The world falls apart because the wrong story was told to the wrong people. Now, with the power of words, society is trying to build itself back up again but because the power is randomly distributed, it's not as easy as it seems.

Thursday - Book of Thursdays: The stories of an erotic writing group and the various things they do on Thursday nights, some things of which actually include writing!

Friday - A Trickster Wind: The love story between a coyote girl and a girl made of stone who comes alive under the light of the full moon and the love that that moon has for the two of them. Most likely a short story rather than a novel but I'd like to get it written all the same.

Saturday - And the Devil Makes Three: I have no idea what the plot is going to be for this other than the angelic apocalypse that happens when the war fought in heaven manages to trickle down to earth and a handful of angels, a psychic teashop owner, a writer, his boyfriend and a painter try to save the world and may or may not actually succeed.

Sunday - The Mundanes: I have absolutely no idea what this story would be or if it would be a collection of short stories. They are the angels of mundane things, stuff like coffee cups, hotel rooms and the space under the bed.

This is not including any of the random stories I will be writing for [community profile] rainbowfic, [community profile] origfic_bingo or anything else I wind up signing up for.

We'll see how well this actually works, I'm hoping that putting some kind of structure to my writing days will actually help me out. I'm planning to put in five, ten and fifteen minute intervals of writing and then seeing where I stand at that point. If I have the brain to keep going, I'll keep doing rounds of ten or fifteen minute writing sprints but if not, then the point is that I have added something to my wordcount each day.

I'm going to start this in May and we will see if it actually makes a difference or if I need to just keep puttering around without as much of a schedule.

I can take this off of my to=do list now! *spins*
So, I've been consuming lots of writing related media recently. Writing Excuses, some of Chuck Wendig's writing books, a few other things. The point is, writing media.

It's been interesting and, I find that since I didn't start out looking at books and podcasts and writing classes, I'm having a really easy time picking and choosing what I think works for me, what' works for them and what is utter crap.

It's kind of nice, really. I thought I would be overwhelmed by what information I was gathering but I'm really not. I can sift through the advice pretty easily and get what I need. It's...kind of ego-boosting? I don't think I'm a perfect writer or anything but it's nice. It's...comforting.

So anyway, I was thinking, what's the best writing advice you've heard in your life? Either practical, inspirational or anything else. I'm just curious.

I'm still trying to decide what I think the best advice I've heard. Honestly, I think I've learned that...Well, at least for me, the best thing to do is always tell stories. Not writing stories but telling them. Tell a story every day, even if it's just to yourself in your head.

I tell an idea to myself, the bare-bones of a story and then, the net day, I tell myself a little more about it and then next day a little more. Some days I tell myself different stories, some days the stories merge and some days finding a story to tell is like pulling teeth but if I tell myself a story every day, I'm always thinking about them, enjoying them.

And for me, that's what writing is about. Enjoying myself and pulling other people into that enjoyment. Sometimes that enjoyment is a sort of masochistic thing and sometimes it's the other way around but still. It's pulling someone in.

I know some people say write with a message and that scared me for a long time. I thought that I had to be weaving themes into my stories, telling stories "meant something".

But I came to the realization that my message, the driving force behind my story, can just be 'Relax, let me take you somewhere you've never been before, let me introduce you to people you've never met."

So yes, that's my babble for the day. I don't know, I'm still curious about your best advice, as I'm curious to see what you value, if that's not too 0odd to admit to being curious about, so drop info off in the comments.
Note: Uhm yeah, I feel like this may require a slight warning as there is violence. Kind of. Yeah, I don't know....

I know you won't believe me, I know you'll think I'm insane, that I'm just one of those writers who's too deep in their own head, who believes in their stories too much but I'm not.

I was like you once. I thought stories were stories, I thought they were words on a page, on a screen. I thought the words were mine to weild. I thought I had power and I could throw that power around and do whatever I wanted.

I was wrong.

Becuase stories bite back. Stories bite and tear and rip at you when your'e not looking. They're clever like that, they don't hunt you down, they don't run you ragged, they chip away at you, they break you down quietly. They make you feel every letter you put down, every word, every punctuation mark.

They they break you down slowly, just as you broke down a plot, a character, a scene. They break you down.

Not all stories, no. Not all of them have the heart but some? SOme catch you when you're not looking, some work on you for hours, days, weeks at a time until you're nothing left, nothing but a characture, a puppet for the story to play with.

You become the Story and the Story, vicious as it is, becomes you.

But remember what I said about ahving teeth? Having claws? Remember that, you are never helpless, every story has fangs, every story has a chance to survive.
26 April 2012 @ 01:00 pm
Things I need to do:
- Do tarot readings
- Go through edits.
- Clean my room.
- Start planning for people's gifts.
- Determine what I am doing about Rory.
- Start the 100 things that are not the prompts.
- Make my writing schedule.
- Call the psych doctor

Things to keep doing:
- RP tags
- Read, either print or audio. Try and make it a book I've not read before.
- Keep up 100 prompts
- Keep writing, either for Rainbow or chipping away at Faeverse or something

I think I have managed to fall into a schedule with my sleep which is exciting. I just need to keep it up. I'm coming to the point where I curl up in bed again and sleep for a couple of hours before my mother gets home but I think I am going to try and push through it today in favor of getting some more stuff done.

I really, really need to get something to eat, as I am kind o f starving, but nrrg. All we have is breakfast food and I'm not really in the mood for it. /first world problems.

I may say screw it and curl up and sleep anyway. Sleep would not be bad and I only have one tag left. I can get that done, scuffle off to bed, get up, shower and then get ready to leave the house tonight (oh joy!).

Though, it is for sushi, so it could be worse. At least tasties are involved. That is exciting.
25 April 2012 @ 07:56 pm
The rules of this meme are as follows:

1) Ask us anything about how we works. Anything means anything. If a question is too personal, the response will be either from PM or simply put "This is too personal, we're not answering this question."

2) Post this in your DW and see what people ask *you