She doesn't remember the name that went after that, the name that made her more than Molly. It was something. It had been there, dangling at the edge of her first tame, making it full,, making it real but it's not there anymo9re, she's not Molly.
That world ended and a new one began. She can remember that, can see it so clearly in her mind. Yet, at the same time, it's so hard, the world shakes, her hands shake, everything trembles when she remembers too much.
It was a bright day, a pretty one....
Her hands shake.
She was outside, she was walking to the shop...
Her nails dig i8nto her skin, cutting through it l9ike a knife into butter.
And someone was dying.....
She feels her sto9mach start to quiver, the food she managed to swallow down that day wanting to rise up all over again. She would just let it happen but He watches the food she eats, just to make sure she doesn't get too fat. If she let it go now, she wouldn't get anything to eat until tomorrow or possibly the next day.
He says she's not a cherub, that she's not meant to be one of those fat little angels. She's supposed to be lean and pretty, the pretty girl who welcomes you to the afterlife. The pretty little angel.
She wants it, wants to be sick so badly, wants to vomit all over the floor but she won'[t, shell swallow it down and get herself together before he arrives. She'll look like a good girl, an angel just for him. She'll forget about what her life was life, forget about Molly and the teashop and the world that had been hers. She'll be Annabelle, she'll be His, she'll be an angel and nothing more than an angel. His angel, that's it, that's all.
But she was more than that, she was more than Annabelle. She knows she had to have been, knows there was a life before this, before life with Him.
But that day. That day with the sunshine and death and the world falling so out of place, that's all she remembers. Then it's all foggy and painful until she wakes p in His arms, cradled against his chest, His fingers running through her hair, telling her she's beautiful, that everything is going to be all right now.
She shudders, wraps her arms around herself and tries to push back the feeling that someone is touching her everywhere but she can't get rid of it.
One day the world will end, one day everything will change. One day she'll be someone new because she won't belong to Him anymore but for now? She can't see that far into the future and her memory is too clouded to remember the past.
So she lives in the present, lives as Annabelle, as His pretty little angel who prays for the day she gets to die.